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| Eph. 6:10-18 |
There is a way out of our dark wilderness of deviancy. One of the best ways is to blaze or mark the trail. One of these
trail markings is called controls. Some of the most excellent ways to assume responsibility for our actions is to build controls
for ourselves, both internal and external. You must be willing to plan your group participation and then begin to work diligently
at the plan you have adopted. You will never be so recovered from your deviancy that you will not have the need of confrontation
and support from others. This will tend to establish and increase your confidence in yourself. It will also give you the assurance
of knowing that you have someone on whom you can call if you need advice. Remember also that God is near and willing to show
ways to confront your problems. Jeremiah 33:3 is often called God's telephone number because it says, "Call unto me and I
will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." You learn to function as a non-offending
member of society and accept the responsibility that is inherent in that role. You will also learn that you must accept accountability
for your past actions, so that those you have affected may find closure from your heinous sensual behavior.
You can
begin by making a quality resolve not to hide in stuffing manipulations. These include denial, and rationalization. Doing
these things helps feed the lies that you have contrived and continue to tell yourself throughout your deviant lifestyle.
Instead, you need to cover all those things in figure #3 with the Blood of Christ and allow Him to take full control.
________________________When we filter our thinking by the worlds
____________________________standards,
we find no true relief
___________Constant Underlying______ Thinking_________________ Thinking
_____________Feeling of Pain__________ Bad
__________________________________Deviant__________________ Good
_________________________________Degrading
_____ Christ _____ Worthy
__________________________________Suicidal______ Filtered_____
Loved
____________Emotional
Stresses_____ Depressive________________ Clean
_______________Causing Pain
_______________________When the blood of
Christ changes our thinking
____________________________our whole outlook on life is changed
______________________________________ Figure # 3
When you filter your thoughts by world standards you find no relief from them, but when the blood of Christ cleanses
your thinking, your whole outlook on life is changed.
Many times a young person who has been sexually abused conceives
the idea that any sexual interaction is a triumph, not realizing that all of their sexual experiences as a child were of an
exploitive nature.
An example:
A fourteen-year-old girl has a crush on a twenty five year old teacher. He seduces
her as a result of her flirtation. She identifies this sexual relationship with him as quite an accomplishment. She was however
the victim of sexual abuse even though she was a willing participant.
It should be noted that most sex offenders have
themselves been abused in some form or other as children. This abuse may have been sexual, verbal or physical and in many
cases all three. It is your responsibility to purpose in your heart to forgive those who have perpetrated these acts against
you. By so doing, you open the doors to your own recovery process.
Matthew 6:14f,
It is also important that
you not hurl the blame for your own sins on someone else. You must be willing to admit your faults openly, thereby putting
an end to justifying every-thing that you do. There is a Christian song that says, "I'm justified, truly by His
mercy, justified by the blood of the Lamb." This means that there is not, nor ever will be anything that can
be done by you that will be good enough to justify you before God. Therefore, you have to come as you are and allow Him to
do the cleaning up of your life. Realize that this may take considerable time, because of past perverted thinking and deviant
actions. There is a need to make preparation for a complete overhaul of your reasoning. Be honest in your self-appraisal and
acceptance for your involvement in the deviant sexual sins that were committed by you. You need to own these sins as your
own and then ask Father God to forgive you and cleanse you of this deviancy, so that you may become what He wants you to be.
God has a knack of changing peoples lives if they will only turn themselves over to His control.
You must consider
what your actions have cost your victims and be willing to accept responsibility for the cost of their emotional and physical
recovery as well. You must remember that you have violated the rights and trusts of others and that there are grave consequences
for your actions.
Investment, responsibility, and accountability are three elements that are tightly woven together.
You cannot successfully work with one of these elements while disregarding the other two. If you have an invested intrest
in what you do, there will also be need for accountability and responsible actions to see that it is nurtured.
The
following are two points of evaluation that need to be honestly reviewed:
1. List ten positive strengths that I have and
write out how I feel these can help with my problem.
2. How much time and effort am I willing to expend in order to
put my life back together?
As you study the following list, determine those categories that that may fit, then be
must be diligent to work on those items for self-improvement.
1. LACKING AN ONGOING CONTROL PROGRAM.
2. RETURNING
TO AN ATTITUDE OF DENIAL.
3. RESENTMENTS...(NOT WANTING TO FEEL AGAIN)
4. INSUFFICIENT MOTIVATION TO STAY FREE OF SEXUALLY
ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOR.
5. OVER SELF-CONFIDENCE (COMPLACENCY)
6. ANXIETY. (UNNEEDED TENSION)
7. UNWILLINGNESS TO ACCEPT
THE DISCOMFORT OF SELF- SEARCHING QUESTIONS.
8. LACK OF SUBSTITUTES FOR SEXUALLY ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS.
9. FEELINGS OF
REJECTION.
10. SELF-PITY
11. LITTLE OR NO GUILT FEELING FOR PAST ACTIONS.
12. LACK OF A BALANCED PROGRAM FOR MORAL
PURITY.
13. INABILITY TO FORM LASTING RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS AND WITH GOD.
14. UNWILLINGNESS TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT
MORALITY IN WORK RELATIONSHIPS.
15. FAILURE TO REBUILD BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
16. INABILITY
TO FILL LIFE WITH PRODUCTIVE HABITS AFTER TURNING FROM SEXUALLY ADDICTIVE ONES.
17. FAILURE TO DEAL WITH ALL AREAS OF
SEXUAL ADDICTION, FANTASIZING BEING ONE OF THE GREATEST.
18. NOT LIVING IN THE NOW. (ONE DAY AT A TIME)
The anagram
in figure # 4 below shows characteristics that are a necessity for recovering from sexual addiction.
______________________________Honesty - Openness - Willingness
_________________________________Good -- Orderly -- Direction
__________________________Lives - Over
- Varied - Emotional - Stressors
________________________________________Figure # 4
I have found in my personal life
that one of the most important external controls I can have, is someone else knowing about my sexual behavior and being willing
to help me stay on the straight and narrow path to recovery. There is an old Jewish tradition that teaches, "If you stop
and befriend someone in a time of need, you are required to see him through the problem from which he is suffering."
I thank God that He has placed such persons in my life. I call these people my Good Samaritans. (Luke 10:30-37)
There
is also one who will stick to you closer than your friends or even a family member. He will lift you up and help you through
those dark and depressive periods of your recovery process. Psalm 3:2-4 says, "Many there be that say of my soul,
There is no help for him in God. But thou oh Lord art a shield for me; my glory and the lifter of my head. I cried unto the
Lord with my voice and He heard me out of His holy hill."
You will find that the more you seek the Lord
of life, the more you will feel His very presence, to uplift and guide you in your new walk.
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