Recovery

Recovery is the reversal of alienation that is necessary for the addiction to continue. As mentioned earlier in this program, dysfunctional (stinking) thinking can be redirected and discarded with the help of friends and family. The moment of truth comes for every sexual addict when they face the crippling addiction squarely. It often comes, as in my case when family members, faced with the awful truth of my addiction confront me. I was given the alternative of surrendering myself to the authorities and subsequent therapy, or having them report me. In either case I felt trapped, but at the same time relieved, knowing that my addiction would not hurt someone else. I realized that there was finally a possibility of recovering some of what I had been throwing away through my addictive behavior.

Recovery, from the sexual addicts point of view, can be defined as leaving your sinful behavior as accepting the healthy change that is taking place as you put your trust in Christ. In so doing, you allow His Spirit to direct you through His Word and the work to which you have committed yourself.

Remember, it is your responsibility to begin the building of the wall of protection that is necessary for a successful recovery.

Every addict and co-addict faces the same task; that of coming to grips with faulty belief systems and finding acceptable alternatives. The recovery process must build relationships, promote learning from mistakes and establish clear guidelines of behavior. This behavior must be open to the scrutiny of all those who know of the addicts' past. It is the responsibility of the recovering addict to establish an ongoing exercise in the development of trust. In this way you create a positive sense of self worth. You must be willing to alter fundamental core beliefs in order to successfully accomplish a satisfactory recovery program.

Therapy for the purpose of recovering from sexual addiction may seem absurd at first. You will have a tendency of being very skeptical and having misgivings because of the requirement to seek new options. Once you have begun the studies on the reasoning behind the therapy and what is expected, you will become more comfortable in the group sessions.

One of the greatest impairments to recovery is becoming bitter over the fact that you have been forced into some sort of counseling program. Hebrews 12:15 warns, "Be careful that the root of bitterness not be found in you, lest it rise up and defile many." This will breed in you hatred, anger and rebellion. All of these character flaws will drag you down and reduce the quality of your recovery process as well as your relationship with the Lord. As previously mentioned, anything that has happened in the past that has caused bitterness and hatred to well up in our spirit must be dealt with God's way. In Matthew 18:21, 22 Peter said, "Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus said unto him, I say not unto you until seven times, but until seventy times seven."

Your deviancy (Iniquity), was in all probability, spawned in bitterness that you have harbored against others. It may have been something done or said to you that has nurtured feelings of revenge. It is a feeling that, if allowed to continue, will become so disabling that you will lose sight of the goals you have set for yourself. You must seek the Lord and accept the prescription that He gives for the healing of the bitterness, inhibiting our association with Him. In Acts 8:22, 23 you will find this caution, "Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee. For I perceive that thou art in a gall of bitterness and the bond of iniquity." Below are some questions that you need to ask yourself, with Bible references that explain each:

What is the cause of all the bitterness in my heart?
James 3:14, 15

How can I overcome the bitterness that has me in its grip?
Romans 12:9

Hebrews 12:14,15

What am I instructed to do with persons who have caused me to harbor bitter feelings?
Romans 12:14-18

Ephesians 4:31,32

Another damaging effect on the recovery process is the confusion you may have experienced in the past. This is particularly true if someone you loved or trusted also abused you. It is devastating to an abused person to realize that they were abused and /or misused by someone they had faith in.

Many abusers became that way as a result of like traumatizing situations in their own life. Those chains of addictive compulsion can be broken, but it will require giving those harbored feelings of bitterness and confusion to the Lord. Let Him show you how your life can be changed by forgiving the abuser in your own live. Then you will be able to concentrate on Him and the recovery program He places before you.

Each person must acknowledge that there is a human need for help and nurturing. They must also learn to separate the behavior from the person, and be able to provide new options for behavior in relationship.

By supplying ongoing support and affirmation to those they love, they have the privilege of aiding in their own recovery. A word of caution to those working with an addict however, never give in to their whims, because they will take advantage of you at the first sign of weakness.

Reading and meditating on God's word are very important at this point. You will find an answer in the Bible for practically any problem that will confront you. This offers the advantage of being able to see the different sides of the issues. Prayer is also very important. It is talking to God as you would talk to your nearest and dearest friend. Through prayer, you tell God of your needs and desires. As you listen to His still small voice, you will be amazed to find that your needs and desires will soon line up with His will.

Ecclesiastes 4:1-12 shows another principle that should be strongly considered. It states, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not easily broken."

If you have someone whom you can depend upon during your recovery period, you will have an ideal situation. Everyone will more freely discuss their problems with a person whom they can trust than they would in a group setting. This person can be depended on for prayer during times of stress. Moreover, they are close enough to you that they will be able to spot any tendency to fall back into an area of denial. Having already openly shared yourself with them you have given them permission to confront you when needed. You may consider this person a mentor or he could be one of the members of your own group who has also chosen to follow the Lord. If the latter is the case, you too have a responsibility to him to reciprocate with prayer for him during his stressful times.

You will notice that the above passage of scripture speaks of a threefold cord not being quickly broken. The third strand of that cord refers to the third person in your recovery. That person is none other than the Lord Jesus Christ. In present day vernacular, He has been there and done that.. He was scorned, ridiculed and beaten with a scourge and then He was hung on the cross to buy your pardon from the sin that you have been caught up in. You will never regret having Him on your side. He is that ever present help in time of trouble when you let Him enter your life and begin to clean you up.