Relapse Prevention

Relapse Prevention is making sure that we do not return to our previous condition of sexual deviancy with a no reoccurrence of addictive behaviors. We must always be on our guard for the "Warning Flags" in our life to assure that the areas of recovery already gained do not fall into periods of relapse. The best way to do this is to fortify our spirits with the reading of the Word, meditation and prayer for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

There are many causes for relapse. A few of these are: family conflicts, old social or everyday stresses, idle hands and minds (to much time), and nurturing negative emotions. These will all tend to throw us into a relapse cycle.

Low self-esteem, fear and anxiety, doubt of success, loneliness, anger, depression, only to mention a few are some of the negative emotions that must be faced squarely as we strive to control the relapse cycles that you may be faced with.

The following factors are important to keep in mind in order to prevent relapse of your sexual behavior:
________1. Anything that cannot pass public examination will create the compunction of a double life, thus leading up to a possible relapse.

________2. Anything that is exploitive or detrimental to others or not submissive to our will, tends to rekindle addictive problems.

________3. If sexuality is used to alter moods or results in painful mood shifts, it is clearly part of the addictive process and is indicative of relapse.

________4. Fundamental to the whole thought process and recovery are healthy relationships.

________5. As recovering a addict, you are at great risk of relapse when you participate in any type of sexual of activity outside a committed relationship, approved by God.

Controls take on many aspects. We may find ourselves being distracted away from the true reasons why you need to concentrate on a relapse program.

If you plan your work and work your plan, you will learn to become assertive enough to change your environment if it endangers progress toward recovery.

Keeping a journal can add biographical depth to your understanding. We will see patterns emerging like: -Are you keeping secrets from others? What does God say about this? Have significant people in your life abandoned you? Explain their reasoning for abandonment. Is their reasoning valid? What can be done to change this?

Think about the last time you acted out sexually. What was your exact response to what happened preceding and following the incident? Take into account other addictive behaviors that were present at the same time. By ignoring their presence is to minimize the addictive process and the pain that you have felt and caused others to feel through these behaviors.

Example: I was also addicted to gambling. Whether I won at the gaming table or lost, performing a sexual act with my victim became not only a celebration reward when I won, but also a means of consolation when I lost.

Thought and belief control are an absolute and are best described below.

If all of the controls in the left column are directed by the motivation of pleasing God, they will indeed be the best by far and will enhance those items listed in the right hand column for the better.

The following are a few questions that you need to ask yourself, then read the scripture passage to see what God's word has to say about it.

Can I depend on the Holy Spirit to perfect my self-control?
Gal 5:23

Will I ever be able to escape the temptations and desires that I have?
I Corinthians 10:13

You are assured in the Word of God that everything is possible through Christ.
Phil 4:13

Some of the defenses against relapse are to find ways to change a pattern by avoiding hostile environments. Change relationships if it is necessary. This may be difficult to do for some, but it is imperative, if you are to benefit from these defenses. Avoid idle time. There is an old saying that idle hands are the devil's workshop. Therefore you must always plan ahead in order to avoid addictive situations. You should realize that mistakes are not always final. You may fail and make mistakes, but always remember, you are not a mistake or failure. You were made by God and He is not in the habit of making mistakes.

A slip means that you will need to be more careful and aware of your relapse potential, admitting mistakes and learning from them. Never let guilt become a ruling factor in your life. Use everything you have learned on this site and other programs as tools for the correction of your behavior. Finally, take immediate steps to correct any wrong behavior NOW.

The only way to face your problem is with the proper weapons. A group of peers and friends who are willing to confront you and those to whom you have agreed to be accountable, or by joining or forming a group for the purpose of accountability. Start by checking local referral agencies, your pastor, therapists, social service groups or community referral agencies.

Those listed above are some very important weapons, but we see in II Cor. 10:4 that "The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God." In Ephesians 6:10-18, you will see that those weapons are in actuality part of the armor that Christ has given to you to put on, enabling you to stand against the wiles of the devil, who is the true enemy. You will not have to fight your battle against addiction alone. The Lord Jesus Christ has promised to go with you in the power of the Holy Spirit.

He will show you how to face those problems, knowing that your relationship to them is directly related to your reaction to them. If you react in the natural, you have already been defeated. Therefore, you must always remember to trust in the Lord with all your heart, leaning not on your own understanding. We are reminded to acknowledge Him in everything we do, that He may direct us in the proper way.

It needs to be reiterated that the best ways to do this is through prayer and meditation on the Word of God. Paul told Timothy, "Study to show thyself approved..." This is even more so an admonishment for you, as you face the battle of overcoming an addictive sexual behavior.

Francis of Assisi put these aspirations in the form of the following prayer:

______________________________God, grant me the serenity
__________________________To accept the things I cannot change,
_________________________ The courage to change the things I can,
_________________________And the Wisdom to know the difference
________________________________________Amen

One of the most applied pathways to recovery is the widely used Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Many who have suffered the degradation of compulsive disorders, have translated these steps to their own use.

Recovering persons who use a godly Twelve Step program can say to themselves: (see next page)

1. I am a worthwhile person, deserving pride.

2. I am loved and accepted by people who know me as I am.

3. My needs can be met by others, if I let them know what I need.

4. Sex is but one expression of my need and care for others.

Each of the Twelve Steps on the following page contributes to new beliefs. Some of these steps are more germane to core beliefs than others. By examining each belief, the program is one that clearly becomes a way to a healthy relationship for the addict. Any program that does not incorporate God's Word could become more of a detriment to a persons recovery than a help.

Admitting to the extremes in your life and becoming totally exposed to the truth requires a feeling of support and concern from others. What better way to receive help than have someone who has already been there to confront and give guidance?

If you choose to use this type program, you will enter the initial Twelve Steps with the impression that there could be no one as degraded as you are. Soon however, you find that not only are you not alone, but that others who have recovered from this terrible addictive behavior are willing to show the way back. You will see the first Step being repeated many times, as progression is made through the program. Each duplication, whether in a formal group or on a self study basis will be useful in drawing you closer to reality that with God, all things are possible.

There will be many areas of your life that need God's direction, both to come out of that old way of life and also to maintain a level of progress toward recovery. You must reject the negative words that come to your mind or are spoken over you. God tells us to remove the veil and allow Him to reflect His glory through us. There is a constant need to put on the Lord Jesus Christ and allow the Holy Spirit of God to direct your recovery. You must continue to tell yourself that you are no longer derelict in your heart, but are now able to show others how the love of Christ is changing you. Then you can say with the Apostle Paul, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Finally, strive to let others, in your situation, know that through the power of God, there is hope of recovery for anyone who truly desires to be free of those feelings of being drowned in a sea of perversive thoughts and actions.