Recollection

You will find that all experiences in your life will not be bad ones. For the most part the good experiences will outweigh those that are hurtful or perplexing. Therefore, you must realize that the good experiences you have, help to maintain an area of coherence in your life. You must be able to recall these good periods in order to cope with the ones that are difficult. There are probably many complex experiences that tend to give you the wrong impression of yourself. You cannot however, use the consequences of your past as an excuse for your actions now or in the future.

As sex offenders like everyone else, you have good and adverse experiences in your life. One of those hurtful experiences may have been when you were physically, emotionally or sexually abused as a child. This is especially true if the person who offered such abuse was someone whom you loved and respected. Sexual abuse may have given you a good feel at the time, even when you began to realize that it was not upright. The feeling that these experiences have made you different from other people brings a certain amount of concern. These feelings seem even more authentic when you have experienced a lifetime of hardships and emotional pain. Very often you do not even trust yourself, not to mention others in your life.

What can you do about this in your personal life?
Proverbs 28:26

Proverbs 3:5, 6

If we continue to look to the things we have done for the strength to come out of our addictive behavior, we are in fact trying to row our boat upstream against the strong current of programming, which has been allowed to take place in our lives. In fact the current is so strong that we are losing ground. The only way we can become wise is to continue to walk with God and let His Word teach us the proper direction to travel.

You see in the above passages of scripture not to trust in your own divisiveness. You have God's assurance that He will give you direction, if only you will put your trust in Him. He may give you the direction needed through a counselor, a pastor, a friend, or a family member You may also receive it from a passage out of the Bible.

Why should you read the Bible as part of the restorative process?
Hebrews 4:12

As you trust in God's guidance you will learn to speak openly and wisely about our hardships, whether physical or emotional. This will help to pinpoint shadowy areas of your lives. Sharing the bad experiences that you may have had in childhood will better equip you deal with them. The old cliché about not airing your dirty laundry is a prime example of what is known as stuffing your emotions. Stuffing is a form of denial and can be detrimental to your progress. It is therefore, imperative that you are honest with yourself and others while dealing with these problems.

How can you apply Biblical principles to this part of your life?
James 5:16

When you learn to appreciate the good qualities in your life, you will also begin to overcome uncertainties. By dwelling only on your bad traits and characteristics you sometimes tend to become entangled by them and fail to recognize the many positive qualities that we do possess.

1. List positive strength's, character traits and qualities.

2. What are the effects these may have on your life?

3. How do you distinguish yourself in respect to other individuals?

br> Persons with sexual deviances recognize a deep personal emptiness. They more than likely have feelings of loneliness and memories of being abused or abandoned in their formative years. This enhances the feelings of pain and consequence. Most of you come from dysfunctional families, carrying injurious fables about your ancestry. You are therefore, programmed into a belief system that gives approval of the exploitation and harm of others. Example: The false belief that Germanic men always prepare the females of their family for married life by initiating them to sexual intercourse.

You may need to explore the possibilities of you being victimized as a child. In figure #2 you will see some of the possibilties.

.............................................Physical abuse--- ............. These may have been
.............................................Emotional abuse...............part of your life
.............................................Sexual abuse----- ...............neglect or abandonment
........................................................................... fig. # 2

4. List several good experiences in your life.

5. Now list several hurtful or confusing experiences.

Can I really expect God to help me out of my deviant compulsions?
Psalm 107:4-15

Matthew 11:28

6. What are my primary motives for treatment?

The term sexual addiction was coined by Einstein in 1956 when he used it to describe oversexuality in a marriage. Like any other addictions, it takes place when the desire becomes uncontrollably compulsive. This has been seen through literature and medical data over the centuries. It stands to reason therefore, if other behavioral patterns can become addictive or compulsive, that sexual behavior would be no exception. It spans cultural, social, and religious backgrounds. Within Christianity, it even extends past denominational environments. Sexual addiction is relatively the same in all branches of the church, much the same as alcoholism. The reasoning may be different but the general result is almost identical. For example; a Catholic may become an alcoholic because drinking is accessible. A Baptist on the other hand, may become an alcoholic because drinking is on the list of things that are looked on as sinful and he is lead by the temptation.

We will learn through initial phases of denial, to comprehend the background that leads to our sexual deviancy. We will learn how to recognize "Warning Signs" of a deviant cycle and how to overcome those feelings and inappropriate desires. Example: There is nothing wrong with glancing at a pretty girl, but if we should drive around the block several times in order to fantasize about her, this should be considered a "Warning Sign". Anything that causes us to act in a foolish or inconsistent manner should be cause for alarm. Those who do not suffer from sexual deviancy should not overlook this step. Everyone has and will continue to have certain idiosyncratic behaviors that could cause problems in life. It is therefore highly recommended that we learn to pinpoint our own respective "Warning Signs" and be able to take the appropriate actions when they appear. The drug addict, alcoholic or sexual addict may find that certain reactions to the stresses in their lives will prompt questionable desires for alcohol, drugs or inordinate sex in order to subdue the pain. Once these are recognized, and a particular "Warning Sign" becomes apparent, we will then be able to counter the stressors that have initiated the stressful situation.

As you begin to focus on your background and personal needs, give yourselves permission to delve into those actions, which lead to your deviant sexual behavior and confining experiences. You begin to look at what happened in your past and reflect how your actions have injured others. You then ask God to bring back to your remembrance everything that needs confessing. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit you will begin to develop empathy for your victims, realizing how your thoughts, feelings and behaviors have emotionally and physically affected them.

The following scriptures deal with sexual sin and therefore are part of the required reading assignments. As these sections of scripture are studied, write down thoughts and reactions of what the particular passage is saying to you as an individual. This is a way in which you can learn to meditate on God's Word.

Leviticus 18:6-16. Uncovering the nakedness of individuals within the family structure. (Incestual relations) It is possible that this may have been the sin of Noahs son, Ham.

Write personal feelings of the following scripture.
Leviticus 18:6-16;

What are some of the other sexual sins mentioned in the verses below?
Leviticus 18:17-23;

Habakkuk 2:15

What was the Old Testament penalty for adultery, fornication, incest, rape, child molestation, or bestiality?
Leviticus 20:12f

II Samuel beginning at chapter 31:1 relates the story of a man named Amnon, who was so infatuated with the beauty of his half sister Tamar, that he feigned illness to entice her to come tend him. While she was in his bedchamber He raped her. Her brother Absalom in retribution murdered his half brother for what he had done to Tamar.

What is the sin of sodomy and God's punishment for that sin?
Genesis 19:5

Leviticus 18:22

Judges 19:20-23 relates the story of a man from the tribe of Benjamin who took a stranger and his wife into his home because of the danger of them spending the night in the street. While they were resting, a band of sex perverts gathered around the house and began to beat on the door, yelling to the old man to bring out the stranger who was staying with him, so that they could rape him. The old man stepped out of his house and said, "Don't do such a dastardly act, for he is my guest.

Other translations are also very explicit in their rendering of this passage of scripture. sex perverts is translated sons of wickedness in Young's Literal Translation, perverted men in the Authorized Version and Berkeley's Translation, sons of Belial in Darbey's Translation and wicked men in the New International Version. It is obvious from this passage of scripture that homosexuality, like all other acts of immorality is a sin. Today however, the philosophy being accepted by society and even in some church denominations is that homosexuality is a normal alternate lifestyle.

Romans. 1:24, 27 says, "So God let them go ahead into every sort of sex sin, and do what ever they wanted to-yes, vile and sinful things with each other's bodies. Instead of believing what they knew was truth about God, they deliberately chose to believe lies. So they prayed to the things God made, but wouldn't obey the blessed God who made these things. That is why God let go of them and let them do all these evil things, so that even the women turned against God's natural plan for them and indulged in sex sin with each other. And the men, instead of normal sex relationship with women, burned with lust for each other, men doing shameful things with men and as a result, getting paid within their own souls with the penalty they so richly deserved."

In the above passages you see that the whole human race is an abject and confused people. Some professedly, more debased than others. You will also see that sexual deviancy is not new to the human race or that you are the only offender. In later chapters, you will see what provision God has made for the derelict and confused person.

What are the acts of a sinful nature and the penalty for those who refuse to repent?
Galatians 5:19-21

Jeremiah 3:25 says that "we all lie down in our shame and our confusion covers us because we have all sinned against the Lord our God and not obeyed His voice." It also says in essence that we have learned this from our fathers (ancestors) before us.

In the past you have tried to minimize your sexual sins, however if you ever want to be free from the weight of this degrading sin problem, you must learn to walk with the Lord, allowing Him to direct you through the periods of denial, fantasizing, deceit, and self hatred. You must learn to go back in your recollection with the help of God, to recall those things that were incident to your becoming sexual addicts. There may be periods of joy and sorrow. There may be horrors in your past that you would just as soon not remember. It is necessary however, that you do this, if you want to be free of your addictive behaviors.

Ask yourself,"What are my goals for receiving treatment?" If you answer this question truthfully. you will to see what is necessary to gain control of your life, enabling you to walk with your head up, instead of having to look back over your shoulder all the time to see whether your sexual sins are catching up with you.

What should your goals for treatment be based on? Do you want to please God in your daily activities? Do you want no more victims? Do you want self-respect and the respect of others? The answer to all of these questions must be yes if you expect any form of recovery.

The direction you find for yourself is only limited by what your desires are for a new life. In Psalm 51, David's prayer, you see an outline for you to deal with your problems God's way. Below are Bible verses that will help you focus on your addiction and gain a perspective as to the way out of that debilitating sin? Answer the following questions in the first person.

Write down personal feelings of the following verse.
Psalm 51:10, 17.

How do I begin to straighten out the mess that I have made of my life?
John 8:32-36

II Timothy 2:15

Is it really possible for God direct my future?
Proverbs 16:3

I Corinthians 14:33

List the different fantasies, dreams or thoughts, which occurred with your activities, leading up to your exposure/incarceration.

Include any other feelings that you may have had.

It is important to note that the use of pornography is as deadly to the mind and spirit as poison is to the human body. This is especially true for the sexual offender. In my case, and I'm sure that of many other sexual offenders, pornography was one of the most debilitating experiences in my formative years. While pulling an isolated overseas assignment, I collected and read many typewritten stories of a pornographic nature. These were supposedly used as a sexual outlet, but in fact they consumed my whole being. They permeated my mind with the idea that any sexual exploit was good as long as I received gratification.

Pornography arouses the senses and causes fantasizing over sexual conquests that may or may not ever come to fruition. It causes a person to lay aside every fragment of moral inspiration that he has ever received. In most cases pornography is accompanied by masturbation, which only increases the sensual appetite. When you feed your minds and spirits with copious amounts of debasing stories of sexual exploits, you are allowing that poisonous filth to mandate your behavioral pattern. (It is the opinion of the author that the printing of all the sleaze magazines has violated the first amendment, because these too, are forms of pornography, placed at the availability of almost anyone.) Most sexual offenders are filled with fantasies as they read this type of material. It causes an insatiable desire for a sexual encounter, promising great happiness, but in fact causes nothing but pain in the end. This unrestrained desire is called lust. It is a passion, which leads to uncontrollable sexual immorality and depravity. James 1:14, 15 states, "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished bringeth forth death."

In this verse of scripture you can see that lust never stands still, but when it is conceived in a man's heart, it will drive him to unimaginable debauchery. It will eventually choke out any influence of God's word in a person's life. (see Mark 4:19) It makes him a friend of the world and thereby an enemy of God. After a time it will even make a man an enemy of the world, causing him to sin against his fellow human beings. However, when he comes to his senses and turns away from these lustful actions, accepting Gods provision of grace through receiving Christ as Savior and Lord, he then becomes a holy vessel.

I Corinthians 6:19 says that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you no longer belong to yourself. You have been bought with a precious price, that of Jesus Christ dying on the cross for each one of you.

Is there any hope after living in such debauchery?
Luke 4:18,19

What is our daily responsibility to God and ourselves?
Romans 12: 1, 2

God is willing and able to heal you of the sinful nature, which has, lead you into a life of debauchery. You must begin reprogramming your mind to accept the fact. Base your beliefs on the Word of God, not on your own feelings.

If you have doubts in your heart, how can you believe that God is able to do what He says?
Mark 9:24

Say right now, "Lord, I too will believe if you help my unbelief, for I can find no possible way out of this dilemma that I have gotten myself into." Remember, God is willing to meet you at the point of your need and make a way for you through the wilderness.
The next step is yours.

As you begin to trust more in God, you will be able to see whether those things that come to mind are of Him, yourself or an attack of your enemy, the devil. God's power is effected through His Living Word, but you are given a part, in that your words must be in accordance with what the Word of God says.